Note: first published last June 1, 2003 in Anthony's magazine Viver issue no. 1.
…discovering one’s purpose in life… by Anthony Vivero
We dream and make plans for our future, but there are those whose fate is predestined. No matter what they do, their lives are led to something entirely different, eventually they realize that it is their mission in life. Our Creator, knows what is best for us, following His lead, will give us that sense of fulfillment, total satisfaction, and real happiness no one could have ever imagined possible.
AVV503
AVV503
I have been regarded by my relatives, friends, and associates as sort of “weird” or ‘unique’, to put it lightly. I’ve been known to face challenges head-on, consequences aside, and always come out successful. Going against the tide excites me no end. I have looked for ventures that would test my strength, my wits, imagination and intuition, and to say the least my intellect and talents. Pursuing various types of endeavor and challenges dig deep into my insatiable desire to accomplish almost anything within the scope of my person and environment.
As most astrologers would describe, Geminis are people who get bored when they aren’t doing something. They need constant change, as they are multi-tasked individuals, always on the go, ready for both physical and mental challenges. Being a Gemini, boredom is something I never would want to experience. When boredom hit me, I could not contain it! I would stop everything I was doing, even if it would cut into my finances, cost me my career, my job or losing someone dear.
Boredom struck me sometime in 1997. At that time, I stopped everything I was doing. I closed my business without a warning, I stopped drinking, which I enjoyed so much before, and refused to go out with friends and associates, I just stayed at home ––– doing nothing. For some people, they may consider this as depression but I say it isn’t so, I was plainly and simply bored. That is where my “uniqueness” becomes evident. I was different in a way most people could not understand.
Almost a year had passed; I did a lot of soul-reaching, digging deeper into my whole being. There was something missing in my life and I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t realize that whenever I turned on the TV, I would tune in to religious programs or to programs with religion as the topic. I was searching for my spirituality! At that time, I could not connect my boredom with my soul-search and what I was missing.
I experienced such level of boredom, several times in the past, which had led me into ending a career, while I was at the peak of it. It is my steadfast career principle: I will stop while I am on top, I’d rather leave ahead that be booted off when I’m down and out! I also firmly believe that nothing is forever, nothing is permanent but change is constant. From our roller-coaster emotions, the luck we are enjoying, the power and authority we have accumulated or earned, even our physical strength and our youth, even more so the people we hold dearest and most precious to us.
My personal analysis then was, I must be in deep fear. Embedded in my subconscious was the pain of losing somebody or something in countless imaginable ways. Anticipating all these possibilities that could give me deep sadness. Yes, that maybe was the right conclusion; I would rather sacrifice everything I have rather than undergo a painful situation.
THE DECISION:
It was one late night of June in 1998, when I had a date with my fate that changed my whole being, my sense of belief and focus in life.
That fateful night, I felt the height of boredom, which I never experienced before, my head was totally blank, almost psychotic. Right then and there, I decided to end my life. The question kept banging inside my head, “Is there anything else for me to do more than I was able to accomplish and have already done before?” I felt that there wasn’t enough challenge for me to continue living.
Yes, to many people, I may not have reached the top of the world, or there had been not much that I had done, but I knew deep inside me that I accomplished a lot more that most of my contemporaries and peers. Knowing the limitations for a guy with a simply family background and simple beginnings, as I was a self-made man! I know the “One Above” blessed me with so much luck, I was able to overshoot goals no one could have ever imagined.
That night I prayed very deeply and asked God for His forgiveness.
Having so much faith in God, I know that He only decides for us, and as a parting statement, I told my Creator, that if I have been assigned to do greater things on earth, then He will give me another lease on life, and if there is none, then it is time for me to go.
THE ACT:
I decided to use one of my guns, a .38 caliber revolver and play “Russian Roulette”, with a variation. Instead of one bullet in a six-chamber hole, I decided to put three bullets alternately. A test to prove God’s Will, that if I have other things to do on earth then I would walk out of the room alive. But if there was nothing else for me to do, then it was time for me to die. A one-shot click, with 50 percent change of dying or coming out alive. That night, I was ready to die, and nothing or nobody could stop me from what I was doing.
I entered the bathroom, turned off the light, knelt down, closed my eyes and asked for forgiveness from what I was about to do.
Then, I held the barrel of my gun, to my right temple. I was trembling, sweating and suddenly afraid. But I went ahead. Taking a deep breath, I pulled the trigger. I expected the gun to pump the fatal bullet, but it did not. It took me a while, before continuing. This time, I placed the barrel inside my mouth and with another deep breath, I pulled the trigger a second time. Again, it did not fire. For two hours, I did what was unimaginable --- pulling the trigger ten more times as planned. But not a single bullet came off the barrel. Not one.
I walked out of the bathroom, crying, my legs shaking. I was trembling uncontrollably, and was sweating all over. The only thing that came into my mind was that there is really a God and there was something more that He wanted me to do.
THE DAY AFTER:
I did not get to sleep that night. Assessing what had transpired: what triggered me to decide to end my life in that manner, why the gun did not fire a single bullet. Was it defective, or was it a miracle by God? Everything happened so fast that my mind was not able to comprehend what just happened. Before, I was so sure on everything I did or planned but after that night, everything seemed uncertain. I felt that I didn’t even know myself anymore.
As the sun was about to rise, I picked up the gun; went to a nearby creek to test if the gun was functional. In one try, the gun fired a bullet from its chamber, the bullet disappearing into the muddy water. I fell down on my knees, in shock. The gun was not defective after all. I then asked myself, “How come it did not fire a single bullet last night when I pulled the trigger no less than ten times..?”
I could not control my crying. With tears flowing down my cheeks, I thanked God that I was alive that morning, I looked up the sky and thanked God again, and said to Him, “I will accept the task that that You intend to give me. Whatever it is, I will not refuse.”At that time, I had no idea what it might be, but I definitely would be waiting patiently.
THE WEEK THAT WAS:
I continued to stay home, but had sleepless nights, reassessing and rethinking the events that had transpired. Watching religious shows and other spiritual programs on TV – every well-known religious group had something to say about how great God is, I could not agree with them more, because I had experienced and felt the greatness of God myself. I then suddenly felt hunger in my spiritual life and realized that the religion I belong to had not provided me what I really needed for my spirituality.
LOSING SOME TO FIND WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR:
On the seventh day, I discovered all four guns that I had were all missing. The .38 caliber revolver that I used was gone, together with my .45 caliber, the .9mm Beretta and the .357 magnum special was nowhere to be found together with two boxes of assorted ammunition plus all the gadgets and other paraphernalia, which completed my collection. I was really mad at first and wanted to call the authorities for an investigation. My initial assessment was that it was a robbery case.
After further analysis of the situation, I realized that the money inside the same cabinet amounting to around one million pesos was still intact. Not a single piece of a P500 denomination was missing. It was not a robbery after all. Then what was it? I suspected all the members of the household to be in connivance with each other to get rid of all my guns, because they knew that I attempted to kill myself the previous night. They were all aware of what I tried to do. I was really mad at them but they denied any knowledge of the missing guns.
THE SEERS AND THE MEDIUM:
For the first time in my life, I asked the help of a 'manghuhula' or card reader. I was really puzzled by the incident with my missing guns. It was almost midnight when I found out about the missing guns but I still insisted on finding a good reader, even though I didn’t really believe in them. This was an extra ordinary incident that needed an extra ordinary person to answer.
I was able to locate on psychic card reader. Her first impression astonished me. She said that a shimmering white light was enveloping me. I was really a skeptic with psychics because I felt that they were too good to be true and that they are only using what seemed to be the “unseen”, and could not be verified anyway, just to earn money. I ignored the first impression she told me and reiterated my request that I consulted her to look for my guns, to tell me who took them, and to concentrate on that alone.
To my amazement, she said that a “spirit” took all my guns away. I wanted do laugh after hearing that. Sarcastically, I told her that spirits were presumed to possess unlimited powers and that they do not need guns to protect themselves. She insisted that was what she had seen. She left a statement that it was the truth; she wasn’t lying nor inventing a scenario to please me. I could either believe her or not, and it would be up to me.
The next day, the first thing that we did was to find another medium or somebody who could talk to spirits, halfheartedly believing what the first psychic told me. Being a skeptic, I knew that this could be a big joke. But badly needing an answer, I went ahead to consult another, one more time.
The medium while in a trance gave me exactly the same information that the first psychic had seen – that a very bright light was enveloping me and added that I have a mission to fulfill. She also mentioned that I possess powers more than she had.
My mind went blank. My consultations with these readers turned out to be more confusing than revealing. I still did not get a satisfactory answer about my missing guns. Whatever they were saying then, didn’t sink in. I didn’t see the relevance to what I wanted to know.
SEMINAR:
While driving home one Sunday night, I heard on the radio about a seminar being conducted by Prof. Jaime Licauco, I didn’t know him personally but I had seen him in several TV programs before and that he was known as the foremost parapsychologist and leading expert on the paranormal in the Philippines. The next morning, I called up his office and inquired about the seminar. Over the phone, I was sure I would not be able to ask him about my concern, so I just decided to enroll in the seminar. Then probably while at the seminar, I would be able to talk to him personally and ask him about my concerns.
Communicating with God, I asked for one sign before going to the seminar --- that if God wanted me to be in that seminar, then there would be extra cash coming my way to pay for the fee. One day before the seminar, I received a payment from along overdue bill in the exact amount of the seminar fee!
In the seminar, I got the chance to ask Mr. Licauco if spirits were capable of getting physical items from us, and he said, “Yes”. I was satisfied with his answer though I wasn’t convinced. I decided to finish the seminar anyway, as I had already paid in full.
During the seminar, I found out that I was seeing things while the others could not. The truth was, almost all of the participants wanted to be psychics and I was only there to get a convincing answer about what happened to my guns.
ENCOUNTER OF A DIVINE KIND:
In the seminar, I learned how to meditate and in one of those meditations I experienced an encounter of a divine manifestation. Around 9:00 PM, almost two weeks after the gun incident, a very bright light appeared in my room. Initially, I was scared because the “Light” almost pierced through my body! It was not painful as I initially thought it would be, in fact it had a soothing effect on me.
Then I heard a voice, a rumbling sound at first, and then a voice that echoed from a distant place. I gathered all my strength and courage, and asked the “Light”, if he could show himself to my physically. I thought for a while that I could be hallucinating and none of these were real. Then the “Light” answered, “YES, I will.”
Slowly the “Light” started to form into a white-haired figure. The outline of his face could now be clearly seen. The manifestation was disrupted when somebody entered the room. The “Light” and the silhouette of the man immediately disappeared. I thought maybe, I was indeed imagining things or hallucinating at that moment.
Early the next morning, while my houseboy and I were talking in the kitchen, a mysterious picture fell in front of us. I easily recognized it as the “One” who appeared the previous night in front of me. The rest of the day, I was more concerned about who was that “Man” in the picture and less concerned with how that picture suddenly appeared in front of us.
HEALING POWER?
That night, I visited my grandmother who fell from a sixteen-step stairway earlier that morning. She got bruised and had a broken rib as a result of the fall. She didn’t want to be taken to a hospital because she wanted me to do the healing myself. I was surprised, and told her, “I am not a doctor nor a healer, you know that because I grew up with you in this house!” But she was so sure that I could heal her. She took my hand and placed it on her chest for a few minutes. I felt a certain warmth in my right hand and a sucking sensation while my hand was on her chest.
On my way home, I kept on rubbing my hand on the window of the car, because I felt that there was an invisible jelly-like substance stuck on my palm. At home, I found my houseboy in pain. He was suffering from acute ulcer and he was already moving bloody stools. He also didn’t want to go to a hospital. He firmly believed that I could heal him. He held my hand and placed it on his stomach. I was so puzzled. What in heaven’s name was happening? These people knew that I was not a healer all throughout my life, but insisted on my healing them myself. I went ahead and did healing, the way I could at that time, thinking there was nothing to lose anyway. And if they do get healed, wouldn’t that be great?
I went to my cousin’s house to wind down, but it seemed that was the night of revelation. Upon entering the gate of my cousin, she asked me to heal her goiter that was far bigger than it was the last time I saw it. I looked up the sky to see if the moon was affecting the minds of these people, but the moon was hiding at that time. I asked my cousin, “Do I look like a hermit?” as I looked at myself in the mirror.
Well then, I relented and touched her neck and kept my hand there for a few minutes. That done, and having fully winded down, I went home to get a good night’s rest. I was too tired to even think of what happened to these people, and why I was even asked to do healing for them, one after the other. I thought that next morning, all would be normal again…but I was wrong.
GETTING HEALED?
The phone rang early morning. I received the good news that my Lola was miraculously healed. Her bruises were all gone (I personally checked and saw later that day). In my mind, I said, “That was good.” Then remembering my houseboy whom I healed after my Lola, I asked him if he was okay and he said, yes, and that blood oozing out along with his stool had stopped. Well, I thought that was more good news! So, I called up my cousin, my third patient yesterday, and asked her if she had gotten well. At the top of her voice, she shouted that the lump in her neck had miraculously disappeared. I could not believe what I heard. I was almost in shock and I remember staying motionless for a couple of hours.
The whole day I kept thinking of the events. It seemed I really didn’t know who I am; I could not explain the things that were happening to me. Again, I asked myself, “How come these three people got healed by a mere touch?”
MEETING THE IMPOSSIBLE:
I could not sleep that night. Sleeping was a hard task to do as I tried to get answers to what was going on. It was beyond human comprehension.
Still awake at around three o’clock in the morning while seated in the sofa, the now familiar “Light” appeared again in front of me. I got scared once more in spite of the familiarity. I stood up to run to the bedroom to hide, but my knees were trembling. Falling down on my knees, I started to cry. Then the “Old Man” in the picture appeared again. I was shaking with fear, but there was no other recourse but to communicate with the man who by now what was happening. Knowing that divine manifestations happen only to “good” people, I wanted to know why I was given the privilege. With me asking the first question, we started conversing in Tagalog.
AVV: Bakit ho ako? Hindi ako mabait, hindi ako pala-simba. Hindi ako relihiyoso. (Why me? I’m not kind, I seldom go to church, and I’m not religious.)
O.M: Higit kitang kilala kaysa sa pagkakilala mo sa sarili mo. (I knew you better than you know yourself.)
AVV: Bakit ho Kayo nagpakita sa akin? May nagawa ho ba ako? (Why did You show yourself to me? Did I do something?)
O.M: (No reply)
AVV: Manggagamot ho ba ako? (Will I do healing?) Hindi po ako marunong. (I don’t know who.)
O.M: Tuturuan kita. (I will teach you how.)
The “Old Man” taught me for two hours and a half on how to heal. I was given the prayer to use, whom to call and thank. He also gave me the ability to do x-ray visioning to be able to see ailments, to read a person’s life – his wrong-doings why he got sick and many other abilities I could use to make my mission easier. The most important was the wisdom that accompanies the ability.
AVV: Manggagamot na nga ako, pero papaano malalaman ng mga tao ang tungkol dito? (I know now how to heal, but would the people know about this?)
O.M: Gagawa Ako ng paraan. (I will pave the way.)
AVV: Sino nga po ba kayo? (Who are you?)
The phone rang early morning. I received the good news that my Lola was miraculously healed. Her bruises were all gone (I personally checked and saw later that day). In my mind, I said, “That was good.” Then remembering my houseboy whom I healed after my Lola, I asked him if he was okay and he said, yes, and that blood oozing out along with his stool had stopped. Well, I thought that was more good news! So, I called up my cousin, my third patient yesterday, and asked her if she had gotten well. At the top of her voice, she shouted that the lump in her neck had miraculously disappeared. I could not believe what I heard. I was almost in shock and I remember staying motionless for a couple of hours.
The whole day I kept thinking of the events. It seemed I really didn’t know who I am; I could not explain the things that were happening to me. Again, I asked myself, “How come these three people got healed by a mere touch?”
MEETING THE IMPOSSIBLE:
I could not sleep that night. Sleeping was a hard task to do as I tried to get answers to what was going on. It was beyond human comprehension.
Still awake at around three o’clock in the morning while seated in the sofa, the now familiar “Light” appeared again in front of me. I got scared once more in spite of the familiarity. I stood up to run to the bedroom to hide, but my knees were trembling. Falling down on my knees, I started to cry. Then the “Old Man” in the picture appeared again. I was shaking with fear, but there was no other recourse but to communicate with the man who by now what was happening. Knowing that divine manifestations happen only to “good” people, I wanted to know why I was given the privilege. With me asking the first question, we started conversing in Tagalog.
AVV: Bakit ho ako? Hindi ako mabait, hindi ako pala-simba. Hindi ako relihiyoso. (Why me? I’m not kind, I seldom go to church, and I’m not religious.)
O.M: Higit kitang kilala kaysa sa pagkakilala mo sa sarili mo. (I knew you better than you know yourself.)
AVV: Bakit ho Kayo nagpakita sa akin? May nagawa ho ba ako? (Why did You show yourself to me? Did I do something?)
O.M: (No reply)
AVV: Manggagamot ho ba ako? (Will I do healing?) Hindi po ako marunong. (I don’t know who.)
O.M: Tuturuan kita. (I will teach you how.)
The “Old Man” taught me for two hours and a half on how to heal. I was given the prayer to use, whom to call and thank. He also gave me the ability to do x-ray visioning to be able to see ailments, to read a person’s life – his wrong-doings why he got sick and many other abilities I could use to make my mission easier. The most important was the wisdom that accompanies the ability.
AVV: Manggagamot na nga ako, pero papaano malalaman ng mga tao ang tungkol dito? (I know now how to heal, but would the people know about this?)
O.M: Gagawa Ako ng paraan. (I will pave the way.)
AVV: Sino nga po ba kayo? (Who are you?)
