Tribute to Lola

First published in Daily Tribune under Anthony Vivero's Vibes and Vision dated October 20, 2008.

God made sure that mothers would have back-up support in the care of their children. She is Grandmother; Grandma or Lola in Filipino. Fortunate are those like me who had one that was more than a Lola, but a mother to all. -AVV108

The mystery about the earth's creation puzzles everyone to this day. Living in fact, is a daily learning process, where discoveries and answers come and the picture eventually comes clear. Neither intellectual explanation nor poetically selected words can explain this. It is an experience of feelings, of wonder and blessings. God's love cannot be measured by any process or instrument. He works in very mysterious ways.

Heaven's blessing

It is a sad period in a child's life when he loses his mother, whether by death or parental separation. I lost mine through the latter. But I discovered that lolas were created to fill in the void.

The loss may not be felt immediately by very young minds, but questions soon arise when one starts to learn the difference between "mother" and "grandmother". This realization comes when other siblings, cousins, even aunts and uncles start focusing on the child and branding him "lola's pet."

Lola was always there for me - she protected me from anything and everything at all times. No matter what, she was the first and last force to deal with anytime the "lola's pet" was involved in children fights and squabbles, with aunts and uncles joining in to support their own children against him. It was a glorious lola-and-apo tandem against all odds. And, like in the movies, we fought the "game" fairly and squarely, and subsequently won. That is, I grew up successful, becoming a responsible member of the community, blessed with abilities from both man and God. Lola did not fail in bringing me up at all. She guided me to become the loving person she wished me to be, with a righteous mind and wisdom as she taught me.

Lola’s legacy

When I was a child, Lola and I once took a jeepney that had engine trouble and could not continue the trip. We decided to transfer to another jeepney. Lola paid double the fare to the dumbfounded driver. I was surprised, and did not quite understand it. She told me that it was just fair to pay what was due to others. “Don’t hold on to what is not yours,” she emphasized.

I told my Lola that the first driver would never know that we had paid the second driver double fare. She replied, “He will know, for God knows it. Whatever you do in life, God will know about it, whatever you do, whatever style or process you do it, it will always be your intention that counts.” (I took the liberty of translating this in English, as she had said this in Tagalog). It took me years of practice and absorbing the wisdom of this statement before I finally learned its real essence.

During my childhood, I frequently heard Lola tell her own children that we apo (grandchildren) were angels from heaven and that no matter what, she must take care of us. Maybe the other apo didn’t care so much of these declarations, but I did. She would often say, “Don’t say or do anything that can hurt them, for they are angels from heaven.” Lola certainly treated me like one. She loved us dearly and gave us everything she could in spite of her advancing age.

When I was “discovered” to possess the “healing hands”, she was my first patient. She boosted my confidence and insisted that I could heal her broken ribcage after she had a bad fall (she was in her late 80s then). True enough, she got well after my “treatment” and my days of healing quickly ensued. As my Lola affirmed that I could really heal, succeeding mysterious events started transpiring, gearing towards my healing ministry.

Even as she got older, her inner strength continued to shine through. She showed me that even when she was physically weak, there was still so much she could give. She taught me patience and to have more faith in God – that God is ever-knowing and will always communicate through our hearts and not through anything else.

In her very old age, I saw her reciting the rosary even though she had been converted to another religion. Having witnessed her personally praying the rosary, I asked her if what she was doing was right, and if it was forbidden to do so in her new religion. Her answer was, “God knows my heart, what is my desire. But for the sake of peace within the family, I converted to whatever they wanted.”

Even then I wanted to fight for her rights and her desires, just as she did for me when I was young, but as she always said, “I’m old enough, I don’t want any more troubles. Just let it be; time will come that my own desires will come true.”

The end of the journey

In her mid-90s, she finally returned to her Creator. Lola passed away peacefully, in bed, in her sleep. She was at peace, but her desires had yet to be fulfilled.

During her last few years, I would invite her to my home for short vacations. During these trips, she would usually ask to be taken back home, sooner than I expected, within a day or two of stay with me. The fact is, I wanted her to stay with us permanently, so that I could take care of her. But I always gave in to her request to go “home”. I could not refuse an old lady’s wishes. She always wanted to go home to her house – the place where we all grew up and where many of our childhood memories were created. Another wish she repeatedly told us was “that she be buried next to my papa,” her youngest son, who had passed on years before.

There was such a struggle to fulfill her dying wishes. Tremendous effort was required since there were objections and rejections from several sides of the family tree. Other family members insisted that their funeral plans be followed and not Lola’s. I almost gave up, but I prayed to God and asked that if He knew what Lola’s desire were, then let these be the “influences” that the concerned family members would agree on.

And Lola’s proved she really had a strong connection with God! Family members who had initially objected and rejected the idea finally gave in to her last requests. Lola was laid to rest in the place she wanted to be.

Lesson to be learned

Old people are powerless, but not mindless. They may forget things, but never their memories, their desires, the things that made them happy and that made smile in their last days. They know what will make them comfortable – their own home, where they spent the majority of their life with their loved ones.

We may be knowledgeable, powerful or richer, but definitely not righteous. The wisdom of respect – we must give in to our elders’ desires if we want to practice righteousness. For even God respected the “freedom of will” of every individual He created on earth. Perhaps we will know how getting one’s wishes overpowered by others feels when we ourselves get old and become powerless. A smile on the face of an old person would tell you that his or her wish is being followed and fulfilled. My Lola smiled before she was finally laid to rest.